


Let Me Go

by MXXNTAEIL



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Cats, Forbidden Love, Implied Relationships, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Mentioned Kim Yerim | Yeri, Rain, Unspecified Point In Time, Unspecified Setting, bellflower is joong's cat, for a writing competition on quotev, hongjoong is in an arranged marriage, ik it's weird, mina is joong's sister, sorry atiny, they're rich kids that live in the country
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MXXNTAEIL/pseuds/MXXNTAEIL
Summary: Seonghwa and Hongjoong have known each other for years, but they're torn apart when Hongjoong's family marries him off to a girl across the country. He's leaving soon and it's a wonder how they spend their last moments together.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> this is rushed! not edited! and probs really bad! it's not up to my usual standards, but it's suffice for now! it has a few pov switches but i hope it's not confusing! this writing is very very out of the norm for me so sorry atiny––

“Bellflower, go—shoo, cat,” Seonghwa said, waving off the long-furred black cat weaving between his legs. The feline looked up at him, eyes wide and beautiful jade. She purred loudly, and Seonghwa sighed. “Bell, _please,_ go away. He’s going to be here any minute.” 

_God, why am I trying to communicate with a_ cat _of all creatures?_ Bellflower gave a small meow, nuzzling against his pant leg. The golden bell on her collar jingled when Seonghwa reached down to pick her up. “Bell, you’re such a baby,” Seonghwa muttered as the cat rubbed her face against the tip of his nose. “You know that, right?” Bellflower placed her paws on his shoulder, kneading her claws into the creamy ivory fabric of his knitted sweater. A purr rumbled through her as Seonghwa scratched lightly behind her white-tufted ears. 

He walked in circles with her in his arms, methodically looking to stare over the stone railing into the ocean, watching the coming swarm of dark clouds. Soon, he got tired of standing around and walked to lean against a pillar, nearly sitting against the edge of the railing. It was a long few moments, long after he stopped glancing at the door hoping it would open, long after he forgot he was outside. 

Birds chirped softly in the distance, their song replaying an endless medley of love and day-to-day sounds of life. Trees rustled easily in the light winds, the green leaves still vibrant and plentiful despite it being nearly on the cusp of winter. No desirable snow graced the ground that morning, only liquid sun and dew to water the flora. The air smells of rich, earthy soil, pure petrichor, and livelihood. 

It was quiet, and Seonghwa’s mind wandered.

Although, the peacefulness was shattered when the dark wooden door Seonghwa had been watching for earlier swung open. Bellflower flung herself out of Seonghwa’s arms with a hiss, claws catching the skin of his hand as she fell. Blood swelled at the cuts, and Seonghwa gritted his teeth. “What the _hell_ —“

He stopped. Hongjoong, the man who opened the door, the one who Seonghwa happened to be waiting for, stood at the doorway. His arms were wrapped around himself, and Seonghwa could see the redness around his eyes. 

Something in his chest cracked. His heart tore. 

“ _Oh_ , Hongjoong, come here.“

The shorter man rushed into his arms, almost without allowing Seonghwa to finish, letting out quiet sobs into Seonghwa’s chest, shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “It went terribly. Oh, _God_ ,” Hongjoong choked on a harsh sob, spluttering into his hands. 

“It’s alright,” Seonghwa said, voice low, “Just breathe, okay? Breathe with me, alright?” He hummed as Hongjoong gave a soft nod. “Breathe in,” he breathed in slowly until he felt Hongjoong move with him. “Breath out, slowly, now,” he hummed again when Hongjoong followed. 

Seonghwa quietly talked him through breathing until Hongjoong seemed to calm down a bit. The stinging pain on his hand was starting to itch, and he turned his hand over to see a thin trail of blood that merged with the ivory fabric of his sweater. There was a small reddish stain at the hem. Seonghwa closed his eyes tightly at the sight, gritting his teeth slightly, before turning back to the man in his arms.

He pulled Hongjoong out of his chest, wiping away the tears on his cheeks and brushing the strands of brown hair out of his face. 

Seonghwa looked into his dark eyes, asking calmly, “What happened?”

Hongjoong’s bottom lip trembled, and Seonghwa’s heart broke at the sight. “We fought, Hwa, and it was horrible.” Hongjoong smiled up at the taller man, although his lips were shaking and it seemed so forced. He took Seonghwa’s hand and placed the back of it against his cheek, “I thought she would take _my side,_ but she agreed with my mother.” 

Seonghwa slid his wrist out of Hongjoong’s grasp, “I thought Mina—“ He gasped softly, recoiling at the sight of his blood smeared across Hongjoong’s cheek. 

“What? Is there something on my face?” He reached a hand up to wipe his finger pads against his bloodied cheek and looked down at the red-marked fingers. His eyes shot up to Seonghwa’s, “Are you bleeding, Hwa?” He was fast to grab the other's hand and search for a cut. 

“Bellflower scratched me when you opened the door because it startled her, and it’s not a big deal. Tell me what happened between you and Mina.” 

“Don’t say it’s _‘not a big deal’_ you big idiot,” Hongjoong hissed, ghosting his fingers over the cut and squeezing his hand when Seonghwa jerked back in pain. “Let’s go inside and get you cleaned up.”

“I don’t need caring for right now, you do.”

“Hwa, that’s not how this is going to work,” Hongjoong said between a sniffle and a giggle, dragging Seonghwa through the halls of his intricate house by the hand. 

When they arrived at the nearest bathroom, Hongjoong rustled through the cabinet under the sink. Seonghwa leaned against the door frame, his arm outstretched because the smaller man still hadn’t let him go. The itching pain had subsided for now, and he focused on the way Hongjoong’s cold silver rings brushed against his fingers. 

Seonghwa, being the man of infamous morbid curiosity and knack for asking bold questions that he was, decided to keep his inquiries to himself for right now. He wondered how a simple conversation with Hongjoong’s sister to discuss the matters of Hongjoong’s arranged marriage churned out a sobbing mess who clung to his arms? He’d have to ask Mina later what she was thinking, striking the boy down with harsh words? What did she even say that was so terrible?

He didn’t have much time to ponder over the peculiarities of this situation because Hongjoong popped up from the cabinets. Hongjoong ushered Seonghwa to take a seat on the counter, “Sit, sit, hurry.” He placed the first aid kit on the counter, holding Seonghwa’s hand brushing his thumb over his fingers softly. 

He put Seonghwa’s hand under the running water of the faucet after he pushed up both of their sleeves. Hongjoong smudged away the blood with his finger and washed the scratch with soap.

“Oh, your sweater, Hwa,” Hongjoong muttered when he noticed the blood splotch on the ivory fabric. “I’ll have one of the maids clean it for you.” 

“No, no, it’s alright. I can clean it myself,” Seonghwa said. They both went quiet after that, the only thing interrupting the silence was the occasional sniffle from Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong cleaned the scratch and disinfected it before placing a bandaid on it. He smoothed his fingers over the bandaid before sighing.

Seonghwa decided it was time to ask. “What happened with Mina?” 

Hongjoong hummed, pursing his lips as he went into the space between Seonghwa’s open legs. “Where do I start?” 

“From the beginning. What did you tell her?”

Hongjoong’s gaze shifted away from Seonghwa as the taller placed his hands on Hongjoong’s waist. He leaned into Seonghwa’s chest, pulling his black sweater sleeves over his hands. “I simply told her I didn’t think my mother should force me to marry, and she agreed.”

“But?”

“But she told me the marriage would help me learn to have feelings again. I told her,” Hongjoong said, voice starting to shake, “I told her she didn’t know what she was talking about.

“She said I was being ridiculous, that I was a robot, but I asked her how _she_ would feel being arranged to marry someone she’s never even met. I told her she would be reacting the same.

“Mina started to get angry, telling me I was incompetent, and that mother was right. That with this mindset I was never going to find anyone who could tolerate me.

“And, _God_ , did it hurt, Hwa.” Hongjoong sniffled, looking up at Seonghwa with teary eyes. Seonghwa’s heartbeat seemed to slow, and Hongjoong continued, “I knew that she was wrong because I found someone who tolerated me. But I couldn’t tell her I found _you_ , and that I love you because we’re not supposed to be together.” 

“I know, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said, voice low and muffled by Hongjoong’s hair. He kissed the other’s brown hair and rubbed his back. Seonghwa did know, and he knew all too well. 

In fact, Seonghwa shouldn’t even be here right now. His own family was expecting him to stay at the estate all day and focus on his studies, but he insisted on going over to Hongjoong’s for the day.

The duo had known each other for as long as they could remember, and they’d been concealing their relationship for a few years now. Mostly because they’re both men, and that wouldn’t be accepted by their families, but also because they’re not even sure where their relationship is headed. 

For years, their families couldn’t figure out why the two never tried dating any beautiful women who would love their hand in marriage, but Hongjoong’s family had finally had enough. His mother arranged his marriage to a young lady, barely breaching twenty, in a far richer part of the country. 

It was safe to say Seonghwa’s heart was breaking a little more with every passing day. 

“I don’t want to leave you.”

Seonghwa didn’t respond to Hongjoong because he couldn’t put the words together quickly enough. Frustration bubbled up in his senses, blurring his eyes with tears that refused to fall. 

But, a tiny tinkling of a bell caught their attention. “Miss Bellflower, is that you?” Hongjoong turned out of Seonghwa’s arms and opening the door a little more. The tinkling grew louder, and Seonghwa could hear the pattering of little padded feet. 

“Is it Bell?” 

“It’s my little flower girl,” Hongjoong confirmed, voice turning up in pitch, the voice he uses strictly for little children and his pets. “Hello, Miss Bell!” He picked her up with a sniffle, and Seonghwa smiled at the sight of the smaller and the black cat. Although, he couldn’t help but feel silly for the spark of jealousy in him at having Hongjoong’s attention taken away from him by a _cat._

“Give her to me.” Seonghwa stretched his arms out for Bellflower. 

“No,” Hongjoong giggled, turning away from Seonghwa, grasping the feline softly. She meowed to the movement accordingly. “Go find Oliver or Adelaide.” 

“You and your cats. Only Bellflower likes me,” he argued, running a hand through his blond hair. He held his smile while Hongjoong cooed at his cat, the tears that had swelled in his eyes disappeared. Seonghwa licked his chapped lips. “But seriously, I’m not going to let you go.” 

Hongjoong looked over his shoulder, features gone soft. “I know.” The edges of his eyes were feathery and dark, ringed red and slightly puffy. 

“Do you know when you’re leaving to meet her?” 

“My mother said my father would tell me over dinner,” Hongjoong hummed, petting the black cat absently. 

“Then why don’t we,” Seonghwa started, and picked the cat out of his arms, “head to your room to relax. Today has been hectic, hasn’t it?” Hongjoong gave a pitiful noise of alarm and annoyance at having Bellflower taken from him, but the boy followed at Seonghwa’s side like a dog out of the bathroom albeit. 

When they entered into the hallway, the sound of rain pounding on the windows and walls became known, but not so prominent. It was a pretty little touch of background noise to a busy life, much like theirs. Seonghwa let Bellflower leap out of his arms onto the floor as they passed by the door to the outside. She sniffed at the door once, twice before pattering away with her tail held high and collar jingling. 

The duo held a light conversation in murmurs and hushed whispers as they headed through the quiet halls. Every now and then they’d come across a cleaner or whoever and Hongjoong would engage in a short conversation for a bit, but the occurrence was rare. As soon as the cleaner or whoever walked away around a bend or corner, Seonghwa would link his hand with Hongjoong’s, and the smaller would look up at him with gleaming eyes. They walked through the halls, a melody of thrumming rain playing softly in the background. 

Hongjoong was splayed across his bed, half on Seonghwa, half on his bedsheets. He’d changed sweaters from his black one to a soft red sweater Seonghwa had gifted him last year. His head was hanging off the bed while his torso laid across Seonghwa’s lap, and his sweater had ridden up due to his position. Seonghwa poked his soft tummy every now and then to hear a giggle from him, accompanied by a soft ‘stop it!’ before returning back to his book. 

It was quiet in the room aside from the rain thrumming against the window. Hongjoong felt his mind turn off, and he hung idly, Seonghwa holding one of his hands gently. 

“Joongie.” 

“Hm?”

“I love you.” 

Hongjoong felt a smile break across his face, and his cheeks flared rosy pink. “I love you too,” he replied, voice much softer than Seonghwa’s. They’d been saying the L-word for years, but for some reason, it still makes Hongjoong flustered whenever his boyfriend says it. 

Seonghwa opened his mouth to speak, but a knock at the door interrupted him. Hongjoong hoisted himself back up onto the bed with a grunt, his head feeling weird and spin-y for a moment. “Come in!”

A small head of curly black hair poked through the door, “Sir, Yunho wants to see you in the kitchen.” 

“Thank you, Yerim. We’ll be there in a second.” 

Hongjoong said, waving to Yerim as she left. He turned to Seonghwa when the door shut, and the blond leaned close to place a feathery light kiss on the corner of Hongjoong’s mouth. 

“Let’s watch the rain later, okay?” Hongjoong nodded at the question and watched lazily as Seonghwa stood up to open the blinds. “It’s not raining very hard right now, so we might be able to go out.” 

“Sounds good,” Hongjoong hummed and walked over to the door with his arms stretched out over his head. 

“Wonder what Yunho has to say...”

“I’m only the messenger.” Yunho stirred his coffee three times clockwise, Hongjoong counted. 

“That’s—“ Hongjoong started before realizing how loud his voice was, and he lowered it immediately, “ _That is ridiculous_ . I can’t _leave_ in two days without a week’s warning.”

“Again, Joong,” Yunho sighed into his palm and stood up from his seat at the counter. “I’m only the messenger, and you can’t go against your mother’s word. You know how controlling she gets, and I mean, how bad can the girl be? You’re just visiting her for right now.” 

_If you can call six months a visit._ Hongjoong watched as Yunho walked around the island, coffee mug in hand. He walked over to the archway of the door to the dining hall. Yunho’s dark hair was messy on his forehead but still silky and fluffy. His tall, well-built frame didn’t match his rather cute face and chubby cheeks. Hongjoong couldn’t help but compare Yunho and his own boyfriend because at one point he and Yunho were almost together. Seonghwa was just a bit shorter with a more slender frame and pointy facial features. 

Soft curves weren’t very hard to find among the sharp edges. _Definitely more suited for my boyfriend,_ Hongjoong thought. 

“Even if you don’t love her, don’t break her heart,” Yunho said, “It’s only going to harm both of you in the end. I know you love Seonghwa, but you’re starting a new life, and it’s best if you try and hold back from giving him your all.”

“Even if he—“

“Even if he deserves it. He does deserve it because he’s given you all he can, I can tell.” Yunho’s eyes were trained on his cup for a while as he swirled the contents around, then his gaze drifted to the open blinds across the kitchen. Hongjoong followed his line of sight, and they watched the rainfall from the blurry gray sky. The world outside was growing dark, and somewhere beyond the emptying clouds was the big yellow sun bleeding out her light. The sight would be a beauty, watching her fall into the horizon and dipping into the dark seawater, trails of red and orange emitting from her shadow. 

Hongjoong glanced back over to his friend. Yunho let out a sigh, deep and quiet in the silent kitchen. He could feel the weight carrying in his friend’s chest, and it was weighing him down with an unbridled force. _What hurts you, Yunho?_

“Play nice, and you’ll get whatever you want.” Yunho raised his head with a soft-edged smile, the corners twitching downward in a disguised frown. Hongjoong’s heart seemed to beat achingly for him. “See you after supper, Joong.” And Yunho walked through the archway, footsteps echoing through the walls. 

Hongjoong found himself sprawled across Seonghwa once again in his bedroom. His head dangling off the bed, torso across Seonghwa’s lap, legs folded strangely. Seonghwa rests his chilly hand on the soft, exposed tummy of his boyfriend because of the ridden up red sweater. Hongjoong was thinking about what Yunho advised him, _whatever that meant_ , and he whined out loud. 

“What’s wrong, Joongie?” Seonghwa murmured, flipping a page in his book. 

Hongjoong huffed. _This is so unfair._ “Nothing,” he said, voice close to a mumble. He sat up with a little difficulty but moved sluggishly to curl into Seonghwa’s side. His boyfriend wrapped an arm around his shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb in circles. 

“You sure?” Seonghwa asked, and Hongjoong hummed as a response, letting the conversation still. Sometimes the quiet was welcomed, _needed_ , and they let it overtake the mindless talking. A deafening silence was a must of their relationship, especially for Seonghwa, Hongjoong knew, because his thoughts were the quietest, and Hongjoong needed to hear them. 

So much could be exchanged through the quiet, much more than any talking could do for them. Hongjoong listened to the thrumming of rain against the window, watching the dull light and shadows flit across the bed sheets through the open blinds. 

It wasn’t so much so dark in the bedroom, more like dimly lit, light enough for Seonghwa’s reading, but dark enough for Hongjoong to sleep rather comfortably. He closed his eyes and relaxed his jaw, unclenching his teeth. A deep breath left his chest after he inhaled so much it hurt and released until he was sure a weight of sorts fell off his ribcage so he could breathe freely. 

His headspace grew fuzzy, lined at the edges of his brain was a murky feeling that blurred the line between reality and imagination. The continuous _drip-drop_ of rain against his window stirred a previously repressed idea in his mind back to life. Maybe they could do it? Hongjoong wondered in his sleepy state as he fought drifting off for a few moments. 

“Oh, Bellflower,” he heard Seonghwa whisper, shifting his limbs a little closer to the edge of the bed. Hongjoong made a noise, a sound of disagreement toward Seonghwa’s actions. _Why’s he moving, I’m so comfortable—_ Bellflower meowed as the blond hoisted her up onto his chest. The jingle of her collar made Hongjoong snap back into reality. 

He raised his head, “Bell? Miss Bell?” His speech was slurred with sleep, and he blinked to rid the blur from his sight. The black cat was resting on Seonghwa’s chest, and she was purring quietly. He sat up and leaned his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder, petting his feline with a light hand. 

“Go back to sleep,” Seonghwa said quietly, voice almost drowned out by the rain. 

“It’s fine,” he hummed in a subdued tone. 

The room was quiet, but only for a moment. _Screw it,_ he thought. _I don’t care._

“I want to try something. Follow me,” Hongjoong said, grunting as he stood up and fumbled with putting his shoes on. Bellflower meowed in protest as she was placed on the bed when Seonghwa followed his lead without a second thought.

“What are we doing?”

“You’ll see.” The smaller man grinned, pearly teeth flashing. He took his boyfriend’s hand and opened the bedroom door. He peeked his head out, looking both ways into the hallway to find not a soul lingering, and ran out with a giggle.

Seonghwa laughed heartily as he was dragged through the hallway, and by the jingle of a collar, the duo knew Bellflower was following.

And they ran, they ran and ran and ran. Skirting past corners and around bends, narrowly avoiding vases and persons and other miscellaneous things. The walls around them twisted and melted into a dark, monochrome mural enlightened by the last remnants of gray daylight through open window blinds. Their soundtrack was the pounding of footsteps, the jingling of a collar, and the thrumming of quiet rain. 

Their backs hit the wall, knocking the last gasps of air out of their chests, and the duo slid to sit on the floor. Hongjoong led them to the end of a hallway to a door that would take them out into the corridors before the patio and open field near the beach. He giggled breathlessly and squeezed the slender hand holding his. When he turned his head, Seonghwa was already looking at him with soft, feathery eyes, ringed dark with an emotion he couldn’t place. His heart seemed to tumble into his stomach, and he felt a surge of fondness for Seonghwa. 

A pattering of paws caught their attention, and a jingling of a collar let them know Bellflower was on her way. She tittered down the long hall, long tail swaying. 

Hongjoong focused on evening his breathing as the ache started to settle easily in his legs and lungs. His eyes trailed over the archways and decor to the nearest window. The blinds were open, and the clouds were many a shade of grey and cold white. Clear droplets ran down the window, and he stood up with a distressed noise from his legs. 

“Get up, we’re going outside.”

“Outside?” Seonghwa echoes, looking up at him for a moment before a soft smile formed on his face. The corners of his lips curling up kindly. Hongjoong thought he was _breathtaking_.

“Yes, outside! Get up, Hwa.” He tugged at his hand until Seonghwa stood, and he opened the locked door.

The muffled rain was now clear and crisp, the chilly air biting their noses and wind whipped softly against them. _God, I missed it out here._ The pillars of the corridor were tall and as mighty as he remembered, and the archways were gorgeous and perfectly crafted. The patio extended as much as ten feet before giving way to emerald grass, rich, earthy brown soil, and wildflowers. Down the small field of grass was a white sanded beach and dark waters. 

“I forget how beautiful it is out here,” Seonghwa murmured, grasping his boyfriend’s hand tighter, and leading them up the corridor. They stopped at the end.

“I missed this.”

“So did I.”

It stilled, but only for a moment.

“Let’s go out there.”

_I don’t care about what my mother says._

“Into the rain?” 

_I don’t care what Mina and Yunho think._

“Yeah, why not?”

_I don’t care anymore._

“Let’s go, then.” 

_I don’t care!_

The first droplet of rain against his skin was _electric._ He held Seonghwa’s hand tight, and they ran out into the patio and crossed it into the field. 

They swung in and out of each other’s arms, laughter as loud as the sound of their beating hearts. Some time into their loose dancing they kicked off their shoes and collapsed into each other’s chests. The wet grass beneath their feet felt weird, but all that mattered right now is each other.

Hongjoong feels Seonghwa’s heart beat erratically against his own, his chest rising and falling beneath his creamy ivory sweater. He looks up into his boyfriend’s eyes, rolling up his sleeves a bit to part away the blond bangs sticking to his forehead. He giggles as Seonghwa looks down into his eyes.

He leaned closer, and their eyes shut. Arms wrapped around each other’s bodies, rain soaking and chilling them to the bone. Their lips curling into each other’s smiles. 

It was as if time froze, and the only thing moving was them. Seonghwa tightens his grip on his waist, and Hongjoong pulls him closer by the back of the neck. Teeth clash, and lips tasting sweet against tongues and rainwater. 

Centuries blur past, and tears slip out of Hongjoong’s eyes. _Why am I crying?_

They part, squinting against the rain, and laughter erupts from deep in their chests. They fit their faces into each other’s necks as they sway in the rain, laughter still bubbling out of them. 

_Is this what happiness really feels like?_

Hongjoong retracts to look into Seonghwa’s eyes. They’re glistening with fervor. 

_Yeah, it is._

He turns his head to look back at the corridor. He spots Bellflower sitting by a pillar and cranes his neck to look into the closest window. He almost chokes when he sees Mina and his mother staring at them. Mina’s mouth is moving, but he can’t make out the words. 

“Don’t worry about them,” Seonghwa whispers into his ear, and he snaps back to look at him. “Focus on me, because this may be the last time I’ll see you in a while.”

“What about tomorrow?”

“My parents are sending me off tonight to the nearest city to find a wife,” Seonghwa says, his eyes looking past him at a faraway place. Hongjoong feels his heart tremor and cracks just the slightest. 

“But— You said—“ He started growing a tad bit frantic. _Seonghwa, you promised!_

“I’m not letting you go, _ever._ But we’re being forced to live separately,” he sighed. “And we won’t let that stop us, alright?” 

Hongjoong swallowed the words rising up in his throat, and they stung. 

It stilled, but their hearts were still beating. 

“One last kiss?” 

“One last kiss.” 

Hongjoong closed his eyes, and Seonghwa leaned in. His breath fanned across his lips for a fraction of a second before they connected once more. Eyes bore into his back, and he knew his mother and sister were watching from behind the blinds. 

Seonghwa tasted sweet, like peppermint and coffee, and smelled like home. He melted into the touch, and they held each other close.

The noise around them was drowning itself out. The world coalescing into a mural of dying art, grey and painted with the colors of their hearts. It was growing dark inside, but they were lit by the fire of their desires. 

_Is this what happiness feels like?_

Hongjoong sobbed into Seonghwa’s chest.

_No, this is what love feels like._

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> uh yes i need to update like two of my other fanfics but here's this in the meantime while i work on those updates lol


End file.
